So crazy to think most people are born with two webcams in their face.

Seeing Clearly

Hindsight is 20/20.  Or 1, if you know how fractions work.

"I'll be sure to bring a note in from my doctor, Dr. Pepper"

Excuses

I’m just not feeling funky fresh enough to be there today, sir.

"Programming them was the hardest part. Not the not having any shame."

Sending A Message

If Apple would just come out with a headband, I wouldn’t have to do this.

We're gonna need something bigger to swat this one

Hanging Around

I mean, legally, he’s allowed to do whatever a spider can.

When you get even older it becomes cool to cry all the time again.

Maturity (The Guide)

IKEA instructions for life

(I’ve never been able to follow IKEA instructions)

GIVE ME THE GODDAMNED TOY

Priorities

It *says* ages 5+.  I’m clearly over the limit.

That's just, like, your medical opinion, man

Bones

He’s like if WebMD was a person.

I think the reason he charges so much is because he secretly hates me

Fight Me

This is not constructive.  Are you sure you’re even a real doctor?