Alcohol

He moisturizes

Gifting

Look, he’s trying

A lot of parenting is just “yes, and”-ing.

…and I’m not sure I want answers to any of them

Guarantee you he just didn’t plug it in

When you give your impostor syndrome it’s own impostor syndrome

Haha what browser history

The Swear Jar is back on his bullshit

There is no spork

It was at this point I realized she was probably smarter than me.